Valentino and I met at work in April 1998 and started dating almost immediately. Like many people we know, once we realized "we were meant to be" we discussed marriage often. But not being in any rush we decided to wait until we had been together for a year before announcing our "official" engagement (and until after we bought a house). Valentino proposed on May 24, 1999, along the Avon River in Stratford, Ontario. Did I expect anything? Yes indeed, I did! I knew Valentino had the ring, we had chosen it together several months before. (Yes, we both chose the ring together. Yes, I had always been a believer that the guy should choose the ring himself and then surprise you. But, my husband's an analyst -- by trade and by nature - and wouldn't buy a ring until he had "seen it on my finger". But that's another story!) I had seen the ring, I had even tried it on, this gave me plenty of time to "fall completely in love with it" and then I had to give it back! (After all, he hadn't proposed yet.) I had pretty much given up on guessing when Valentino would propose.but then May 24th came along!

First things first, of course. Once Valentino proposed and I accepted, we agreed that we had to tell our families in person. We told my parents first, because they live in Stratford (we were already there) and on the same day drove back to Toronto to tell Val's mother. After that, I drove to the nearest convenience store (the only place open considering it was the May long weekend) and picked up ALL of the latest bridal magazines!

It was the unleashing of BRIDE-zilla! There was no turning back. I became completely obsessed with weddings and not just my own wedding either. ALL weddings!

CHOOSING A DATE

We chose March because we wanted to get married during off wedding season -- more suppliers available, better rates (in some cases) and we stood a better chance of getting the church and hall on the date that we wanted. We still chose 3 dates, just in case the church, the hall or both weren't available. We chose March 4th, 11th and 18th - number 18 was the winner!

FINDING A CHURCH

I'm Anglican and Valentino is Roman Catholic. Valentino and his family already belonged to a church I did not. Valentino is a practicing Catholic. I'm not a practicing Anglican. That's how we decided which faith to marry in. (Not very conventional I realize, but it worked for us). There was no question that we would approach my husband's family's church first. (Holy Angels Catholic Church) Valentino made an appointment with the priest (who had known his family for many years) and I began to worry. Why did I worry? We had chosen our dates and had our hearts set on getting married in 10 months time. What if the church made me convert? I was certainly willing, but it would mean we'd have to delay our wedding for an entire year. What if the church refused to marry us because I wasn't Catholic? I had heard all sorts of stories of couples having to postpone their weddings because one or the other had to take catechism classes. Several of these stories came back to haunt me while we were waiting to meet with the church. As it turned out, I worried for nothing. The priest was an EXTREMELY nice man and felt that there was no reason why we couldn't get married in their church. We were both baptized and confirmed, we both had all of the necessary documentation, he was available on the date we wanted.no problem. All we had to do was book ourselves for the marriage retreat (Queen of Apostles Renewal Centre) and then come back to see him afterwards.

It was so easy. Heh, heh..It was ONLY the beginning....

FINDING A HALL

Once we had secured our date with the church, the next step was securing a hall. We both agreed that we wanted a formal wedding. There was no question about size. Valentino comes from an extremely large family - this meant a BIG, formal wedding. What it also meant was managing a budget. Managing a budget VERY closely!

Before we even researched locations we sat down and made out a rough guest list. Names only, we didn't get into hunting down addresses, that would come later. We needed a general idea of how many people we were going to invite. We invited family and close friends only. We omitted business clients, cousins we haven't seen or spoken with in years, friends we'd lost touch with. This still left us with 287 people. Small compared to some weddings, HUGE in comparison to others! (In the end 220 people attended our wedding.)

Once we had this number in mind, I began researching venues. First, I thought about weddings that Valentino and I had attended. What did we like? What didn't we like? This helped both of us determine what we were looking for in a venue. The ideal for us, would be to find a venue that offered a per person price that included the meal as well as bar service. Aside from the obvious things you look at - price, atmosphere, location, we also wanted a venue that focused on customer service. We put all of this information on paper BEFORE we started meeting with venues.

I made a list of potential venues from information I collected from bridal magazines, recommendations from friends and relatives who were recently married, the Toronto Special Events Resource Directory (www.tsevents.com) and the Internet. Once I had this list together I began making phone calls and scheduling interviews and site visits. Our weekends were spent going from site to site. It was discouraging at times because some of the venues we went to either were not kept well, weren't what we were looking for, were beautiful but beyond our budget or we just weren't impressed with the service we were given.

In the end we found La Vedette Banquets (www.lavedette.com). We found this little gem completely by accident. Valentino and I were early for an appointment we had with a hall and came across the Bridal Resource Centre at 4040 Steeles Avenue in Woodbridge. While we were there, Ramona, one of the owners, had inquired about our wedding (eg when it was, had we found a hall etc.) When she discovered that we were still looking for a reception venue she began singing the praises of La Vedette. Ramona had been married that past December and had her reception at La Vedette. She couldn't say enough positive things about them. Val and I decided to check them out. We were VERY impressed with the way we were received upon our arrival, the service and attention we were given during the interview, the room (The Classic Room) was beautiful, very tastefully decorated in neutral tones and not overdone. Each room had a separate entrance, washrooms, brass wall sconces, a bridal suite equipped with a safe -- the list goes on. More importantly the price was right. We booked it on the spot!

Once we booked the church and the hall we took care of the other necessities in this order; photographer & videographer, bridal gown, bridesmaid dresses, florist, invitations, cake, DJ, limousine, hair and make-up, tuxedos and musicians.

** I have included my supplier list at the end of this article.

THE BIG DAY

Our entire wedding day was wonderful. I wouldn't change a thing. Of course, not everything went exactly as planned, but that's to be expected.

All of my bridesmaids met early in the morning at my stepsister's house to get ready. (Our new house isn't finished yet.) Michelle and her partner from Facial Creations arrived at 6:30am to begin the task of "making us gorgeous". Surprisingly, I was not nervous. I thought for sure I would be and all morning I kept waiting for the butterflies in my stomach to begin but nothing happened. I was just happy and having fun. My mother and my stepsister arranged to have breakfast for us and we were all standing around in our bathrobes, giggling and laughing and watching each other get our hair and make-up done. My 3-year old niece, who was also our flower girl, was in on the fun too. I figured that Valentino and I had put 100% into the planning of our wedding, it was time to let go and enjoy the day.

The photographer & videographer arrived at 9:00am. They were fantastic. When I was with the photographer, the videographer was with my bridal party and vice-versa. They were fun, polite and professional.

By 11:30am the videographer and photographer had to head off to the church to meet my husband and his groomsmen for pre-wedding photos. They left right on schedule to meet them at the church for 12:00pm. And there we were. Still at the house, the pre-wedding bridal pictures finished early and waiting for the limousine (the ceremony wasn't until 1:30pm). It was so strange actually, because any wedding I had been a part of, it was this whirlwind of activity right up until the ceremony and here we were standing around, all dressed and ready to go ... EARLY! So, we sat around and relaxed. My bridesmaids and MOH were laughing at me "Only April would be ready early for her own wedding." They said.

The limousine arrived at 12:00pm as planned, we loaded up the car with my overnight bag, a packed lunch for the bridal party to have at the photo site following the reception and us ... me, my mother & stepfather, my bridesmaids, MOH and the flower girl. The week before the wedding I had given all of our suppliers an event schedule and had allowed time for crises, like traffic, inclement weather, photographers being late, the limousine being late etc. Fortunately, none of that happened. It was a bright and sunny day, traffic was moving quickly (imagine, no traffic jams on the 401 on a Saturday), the limousine driver knew exactly where he was going and how to get there. And of course, you'll never guess what happened.

We arrived at the church almost an entire hour early!

The limousine pulled into the church parking lot at 12:40pm, our ceremony wasn't scheduled to begin until 1:30pm. EVERYBODY started laughing. Only I would over plan! My MOH went into the church to see how things were being set-up. Apparently that started a frenzy of panic. My friend Joanne was hanging the pew bows and still had everything laid out in the middle of the aisle, the musicians were just setting up, Valentino and the guys were still getting their pictures taken, there were no guests and the priest wasn't ready yet. They heard that the limousine had arrived and my MOH says they all stopped dead in their tracks turned white as ghosts and then panicked. "The brides here! The brides here! We must have the time wrong! Maybe the ceremony was supposed to start at 1:00." Guess who that was? Yup, my husband. He heard I had arrived and suddenly he forgot when the ceremony was supposed to start. My MOH could barely stop laughing long enough to tell him that I had over planned on the time and we were running WAY ahead of schedule. (Poor guy nearly had a stroke.) The videographer came out to the limousine and said in the 13 years that he has been filming weddings, the bride has never once been an hour early. He had to get it on tape! We laugh now. I didn't think it was a big deal. I was quite happy to sit in the limousine and spy on all of our guests as they arrived. (hee hee) When the limousine driver got wind of Valentino's reaction, I guess he felt sorry for him and suggested that he take us on a tour of the city to kill some time.

By the time we made it back to the church it was 1:10pm. Twenty minutes until show time. My parents, bridal party and flower girl went in to the church. I sat in the limousine and watched people as they arrived. Every time I saw one of my friends I'd put the window down and call out to them and wave. When I saw my grandparents arrive and put the window down and called out to them my grandma went into a panic, "Put the window up! Put the window up! You're supposed to surprise us, we can't see you yet." I just laughed and kept waving. I was having a ball being Queen for a day!

I made my way into the church at 1:25pm and stood at the back. Everybody remembered where they were supposed to stand, who was walking with whom and when. Our poor flower girl and ring bearer looked terrified out of their wits, but they walked down the aisle, until they were about 8 pews away from the altar and decided to stop. They just stopped right there in the middle of the aisle. They weren't crying or anything. Our ring bearer just shrugged his shoulders and waved at his Dad and stood there. My stepfather and I were in the back laughing. They looked so cute just standing there looking at everybody. When it looked like they wouldn't move one of our bridesmaids and one of our ushers went up and took them by the hand to lead them down the rest of the way. By that time everybody had the giggles, including our niece and nephew.

It was almost my turn to go down the aisle. The bridal party processional was Air on G, I had chosen to have a separate song, Pachelbel's Canon in D. All of a sudden I blanked. I had listened to Canon in D a million times before as I tried to visualize our wedding day and I completely blanked. I looked at my stepfather and said, "I can't remember what our song sounds like. All that laughing and horsing around and I can't remember what my music sounds like. How will I know when to start walking?" Then I heard it. The musicians started to play and it all came back to me. I turned to my stepfather and said, "OK let's go." And down we went. That was the only time I panicked. Just before the music began. I was very calm walking down the aisle. Smiling and waving at people. Valentino was calm and waited for me at the altar with a big grin on his face.

Our ceremony was beautiful. We had a full Catholic mass and our priest tried to personalize it as much as possible. He mentioned both of our deceased fathers and how proud they would be and that although they weren't with us, they joined the celebration in spirit. He talked about the importance of communication in relationships and remaining true to our selves. He talked about how fear and jealousy could be damaging in a marriage. It was all very positive. We really enjoyed it and a number of our guests complimented the ceremony. It all went by so fast because the next thing we knew, Father Peter was introducing us as Mr. and Mrs. Torresan and all of our guests were clapping, the music was playing (Mozart's "Autumn") and Valentino and I were making our way up the aisle. We stood at the back of the church and held a "mini" receiving line. There were so many people who came to the church that we just didn't feel right running off into the limousine. The line moved quickly and it was nice to have the opportunity to say hi to people as they wished us well. I think it was also important to our guests to have the opportunity to congratulate us as well.

Val and I rode in the limousine together to the photo site (Mississauga Civic Centre). Each of our attendants rode with an usher in their respective cars. People were honking their horns as they passed us. I rolled the window down a few times and kept waving at our MOH and Best Man who were in the car behind us. It was just SO much fun and it went by SO fast!

We finished our photos on time -- 4:45pm and again, traffic on the highway co-operated with us and we made it to the hall by 5:15. Cocktails were scheduled to begin at 5:30pm (we also held the receiving line during this time). The hall looked beautiful. I don't know what it was exactly because I had seen it the day before and everything was set-up. It looked different - better. I guess it had something to do with having everybody there, being so excited seeing everybody laughing and smiling. It was great to be able to take a few minutes throughout the day and evening to stop and just look around at all the people who came to help us celebrate.

I had asked that Spanish guitar and Latin music be played during the cocktail reception. It was upbeat but unobtrusive and went with our theme of classic elegance. During dinner we had classical music playing lightly in the background.

The DJ (Bruno) who also acted as our MC introduced our parents and bridal party and then us. (Introductions were done in both English and Italian.) It was all very dramatic and exciting. The dining room had double French doors and just before the bridal party was to be introduced, the doors were closed. It was a grand entrance for us as we walked into the dining room, with flashbulbs going off a mile a minute (they were blinding) people laughing, people crying and clapping. Valentino and I made our way to the dance floor (we danced our first dance before dinner) and our song played -- Amanda Marshall's "If I Didn't Have You". Completely unconventional, but when we listened to the lyrics we knew that it was our song. Everybody was standing around the dance floor taking our picture. Our ring bearer (age 3 1/2) and his little sister (age 1 ½) were dancing together it was SO cute.

Our first dance was followed by Grace delivered by Valentino's 11-year old cousin. (Father Peter was not able to join us for dinner, but he did stop by for the cocktail reception.) Our first course was Antipasto, once it was served and our guests had an opportunity to eat, the Best Man stood up and gave a brief toast to us.

Following the main entrée and while dessert was being served we had our speeches. Valentino and I chose to limit the number and length of speeches as we had been to a wedding that past summer where the speeches went on for 3 ½ hours straight! We just couldn't bear to do that to our guests. We had 5 speeches including our thank you speech. Each speech was limited to 5 minutes. Everybody had nice things to say. (We're still not sure what the Best Man, Valentino's youngest brother, was really trying to say in his speech -- but it was funny.) My MOH, who has been my friend for the past fifteen years gave a funny but touching speech about the antics we got into, as we were growing up and how our friendship has evolved now that we're adults. I didn't shed a tear that night, but I tear up as I think back on it now.

Immediately after our thank you speech we had our second dance; KC & JoJo's "It's Real". Our bridal party was invited by the DJ to join us and then our guests were invited to come out on the dance floor. Having officially started the dancing Valentino and I snuck away for family photos in the lobby. I had left little note cards at the place settings of those relatives who were to be in the photos. This avoided having to run around to try and get people together. We managed to get the family photos done in a ½ hour. (A record as far as I'm concerned.)

The dance floor was hopping! We had asked the DJ to play to the crowd (we also gave him a suggested play list for ideas of the various tastes that were present). It was obvious to us that people were having fun. They were jumping around all over the place.

We didn't interrupt the party for the official cake cutting. We did it for the videographer, but nobody was any wiser. We also chose to omit the bouquet and garter toss. (A few complaints about this post-wedding from some of my in-laws.) This was entirely a personal choice. I always dreaded being single at weddings and being herded out onto the dance floor. As for the garter toss, we just don't "get" that tradition. So we opted out.

All in all, it was a beautiful day. As I mentioned earlier, it didn't go completely as planned. But there were no major catastrophes (well, one potential catastrophe - the Best Man's car wouldn't start and he had to run home and get Valentino's car. Thank goodness they only live 7 minutes away from the church) and we had a GREAT time. It was exhausting though. Our feet were sore for days afterwards. We honeymooned in Cancun for 14 days. It was sheer bliss! 14 days of sunshine and lying on the beach. I miss it already.

FINAL WORD

If I may offer one piece of advice to future brides (and I've said this before) it's this:

With all of the time, money and emotion that we each invested in planning what will be one of the biggest events of our lives, the day itself just flies by and before you know it, it's the next day. The event is over and it's you and your husband ready to begin your new lives together. The euphoria of the wedding day has passed far quickly than it took to actually get there.

Despite all of the issues and stresses that arise please remember to enjoy the planning and pre-wedding celebrations and above all enjoy your wedding day. A wedding is a celebration of a union of 2 people. In the end it doesn't matter if you served chicken or fish, put Aunt Martha with Uncle Wilbur instead of with Uncle Fred, served chocolate cake instead of fruitcake or got married in a bright red dress instead of the traditional white. Try and remember the importance of taking it all in and enjoying your wedding for what it is -- a personal celebration to which you have chosen to include your family and friends.

I hope that each of you has more fun at your respective weddings than I did at my own (and that leaves room for a LOT of fun). Best wishes to each of you.

April Pickering Torresan

NOTE: Like many of you, Valentino and I covered a lot of ground when planning our wedding. I would be more than pleased to offer any advice answer questions or provide recommendations on pricing, quality of service etc. Please feel free to e-mail me directly at pickeringapril@hotmail.com

And of course, don't forget to post your concerns, comments and opinions on frugalbride.com's Babbling Brides forum. Many thanks to Darsi and Mary for inviting me to be the first bride to profile her wedding day on frugalbride.com.

SUPPLIER LIST

Photographer & Videographer: Studio 87 Bridal Productions (905) 669-3672
Wedding Gown: Ritche Couture, 1662 Avenue Road, Toronto (416) 789-4378
Bridesmaid Dresses: (seamstress) JenRan Exclusive Designs, 2013 Eglinton Avenue West, Toronto (416) 256-0856
Florist: Roses Only, 8 Market Street, Toronto (416) 594-6678
Tuxedos: Tuxedo Junction at Sherway Mall, Etobicoke
Hair & Make-Up: Facial Creations, 1315 Finch Avenue West (416) 398-2020 in-home service
Limousine: Ferraro's Exotic Car Rentals, 4000 Steeles Avenue West, Woodbridge (905) 856-2250 (www.ferraros.ca)
Disc Jockey: Strange Society Disc Jockey Services (905) 851-6467 (www.strangesociety.com)
Cake: Toute Sweete Cake & Pastry (905) 856-0388
Invitations: Invitations By Dawn www.invitationsbydawn.com
Musicians: The Avondale Ensemble, Robert Hamilton (416) 922-9363

THE PERSONAL TOUCH

Admittedly, Valentino and I had a pretty traditional wedding. But there were a few things that we did to make it our own:

1. Programs at the church. While this has become a popular practice over the years, traditionally they only include the order of the ceremony and the names of all of the key players. We made some changes of our own to this tradition. We used our programs as an opportunity to communicate with our guests on our special day. We included an opening letter to our parents, just inside the front page, thanking them for their love and support over the years. We included nearly everything that was being said during the ceremony, for the benefit of those guests who either were not Catholic or had never attended a wedding before. And they cost next to nothing as we made them ourselves.
2. Menu cards and Reception program. We laser printed our menu onto pretty card stock and put one at each table during the reception. Inside we printed a list of those people who would be making speeches at the wedding and their relationship to Valentino and I. We thought this would give our guests a general idea of how long speeches would go on and when they could expect the dancing to begin. This was particularly beneficial to some of our older relatives who can't sit for very long and need to walk around. They knew when speeches were expected to begin (when dessert was served) and when they were scheduled to end.
3. Requests for the Bride and Groom to kiss. Rather than the traditional clinking on the glasses or singing love songs, Valentino and I bought little gold bells and tied them with pretty ribbon, included was a card with a little verse explaining what they were for. Granted, by the end of the night, Val and I didn't care if we never heard another ringing bell again! (But our guests had a ball with them.)
4. Children. The decision to include children or not to include children is a personal choice of the Bride and Groom. Valentino and I chose to include children in our celebration. A couple of weeks before the wedding, one of my bridesmaids and I went to the dollar store and picked up little goodies to make loot bags for each of the children at the wedding (this came to a total of 10 bags). The day before the wedding we put them at each child's place setting. It didn't cost us more than $20.00 to make and it gave the kids something to do during dinner and speeches.
5. Bombonnierres (Bridal favours). We found it difficult to find something ready-made that wasn't too expensive. (Everything that I saw that I liked cost $14.00 a piece or more!) Valentino and I went to Michael's Craft Store and bought glass votive candleholders and votive candles. I bought thin ivory coloured ribbon with gold edging and tied tiny little bows, then glued them into the centre of the candle (it looked like they'd been tied with the ribbon.) Then we put them in the votive candleholders. The light caught the gold edging on the ribbon and made them sparkle. We made 165 of them for approximately $120.